Aminet 34/Aminet 34 (2000)(Schatztruhe)[!][Dec 1999].iso/Aminet/comm/irc/cybershiela.lha/cs/beer.amirx

Text File | 1999-06-27 | 7KB | 82 lines

/* Beer Humor */

x=random(1,74,time('s'))
select
when x=1 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You can enjoy a beer all month."
when x=2 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer stains wash out."
when x=3 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You don't have to wine and dine a beer."
when x=4 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car."
when x=5 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  When beer goes flat you toss it out."
when x=6 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer is never late."
when x=7 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  HANGOVERS go away."
when x=8 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer."
when x=9 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer labels come off without a fight."
when x=10 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer."
when x=11 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer never has a headache."
when x=12 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime."
when x=13 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath."
when x=14 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head."
when x=15 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty."
when x=16 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A beer ALWAYS goes down easy."
when x=17 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You can share a beer with your friends."
when x=18 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer."
when x=19 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A beer is always wet."
when x=20 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't demand equality."
when x=21 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A beer doesn't care when you come."
when x=22 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You can have a beer in public."
when x=23 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A frigid beer is a good beer."
when x=24 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good."
when x=25 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer always comes in multiples of six."
when x=26 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't mind being in the 'wet spot' that IT left."
when x=27 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You can't catch anything but a 'buzz' from a beer."
when x=28 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle."
when x=29 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty."
when x=30 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  When your beer is gone, you just pop another."
when x=31 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod."
when x=32 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer looks the same in the morning."
when x=33 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't look you up in a month."
when x=34 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in."
when x=35 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids."
when x=36 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't get cramps."
when x=37 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't have a mother."
when x=38 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't have morals."
when x=39 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't go crazy once a month."
when x=40 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer always listens and never argues."
when x=41 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer labels don't go out of style every year."
when x=42 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles."
when x=43 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet."
when x=44 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't demand legality."
when x=45 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer is never overweight."
when x=46 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony."
when x=47 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer won't run off with your credit cards."
when x=48 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't have a lawyer."
when x=49 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't need much closet space."
when x=50 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things."
when x=51 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive."
when x=52 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch."
when x=53 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer never changes its mind."
when x=54 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get."
when x=55 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer never asks you to change the station."
when x=56 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't make you go shopping."
when x=57 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass."
when x=58 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks."
when x=59 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer is always easy to pick up."
when x=60 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Big, fat beers are nice to have."
when x=61 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't pout or play games."
when x=62 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer NEVER says no."
when x=63 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer is easy to get into."
when x=64 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer never complains when you take it somewhere."
when x=65 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers."
when x=66 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't wear a bra."
when x=67 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't mind getting dirty."
when x=68 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity."
when x=69 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper."
when x=70 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't live with its mother."
when x=71 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't blow you off."
when x=72 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners."
when x=73 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry."
when x=74 then y="WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN |  Beer doesn't mind football season."
end
'say 'y
exit